Nature’s Greatest Performance Enhancing Drugs: Breakups, Near Death Experiences, BIG Ls.
Awhile ago, I tweeted:
The greatest PEDs in the world are breakups, near death experiences, and huge losses.
And somebody replied:
"If only we could package these up as supplements and sell them to the world – we’d be rich."
And that sounds good in theory, but it wouldn’t work.
Nobody would want to feel the pain that comes from breakups, deaths, and losses voluntarily, but it’s this pain that makes these experiences so powerful at maximizing performance.
In order to illustrate this, let me share with you what I mean:
Imagine a guy that’s been dating a girl since high school (10+ years) who he is head over heels in love with (high school sweethearts type of shit).
Now imagine she cheats on him and they break up for good.
Done. Forever.
No more seeing each other. No more late night convos. No more hanging out. No more making contact.
How much pain would this create?
I don’t know, but the pain created would at least be equivalent to all the time they’ve known each other and spent together (plus future expected value/loss).
So at least 10+ years of pain.
This is the case because breakups feel like a mini-death and the more time you spend with someone, the greater the sense of loss.
Now you have the guy being hit with 10+ years of pain at once.
What happens now?
Well, pain is nothing more than the movement of energy inside your body so the more pain you feel, the more movement you feel inside your heart. This internal movement, in return, eventually leads to external movement (after the grief period) because inner = outer.
With this external movement, comes a lot of change.
Maybe the guy had gotten complacent during the 10 years. Taking it easy. Going with the motions. Hitting brunches. Living inside his comfort zone. Letting himself go. So on and so forth.
But with the breakup comes a shot of clarity.
This clarity, in return, allows him to wake up to the real truth of his life and make the necessary changes.
Maybe he starts hitting the gym.
Maybe he starts eating a healthier diet.
Maybe he starts making money online.
Maybe he learns new skills.
Maybe he starts traveling the world.
Maybe he starts 75 HARD.
Maybe he joins toastmasters.
Maybe he picks up new hobbies.
Maybe he improves his style.
Maybe he gets a new haircut.
Maybe he starts reading high quality books.
Maybe he meditates and develops a stronger frame.
Whatever.
Point is the change he experiences is the equivalent to the pain he is experiencing so greater the pain, the greater the potential for transformation he stands to gain.
This man could make more progress in 12 months than he did in the previous 10 years combined. So in a nutshell, he stands to gain 10 years of transformation from the all natural performance enhancing drug that is a breakup.
Quite wild, right?
Yes, but what’s wilder is if he didn’t experience this break up, he wouldn’t have made 10 years of progress in 12 months.
Instead, his new year would look more or less like his last year.
So in a way in order to actualize this newfound growth…
… he needed to expose himself to more pain in order to create more external movement that results in transformation.
With that noted, pain is not a negative.
It is a catalyst for growth, movement and transformation.
(A wake up call that pulls us out of the deep sleep we live our life from.)
Not just when it comes to break ups, but also deaths of loved ones.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve been losing a lot of loved ones during the last 36 months.
And with each death, I notice the same pattern (after the initial grief period subsides):
People of all ages get shaken up. Pulled out of their deep sleep. Hit with the realization that one day they too will die. Time is ticking. So they decide to implement new changes in their life.
As a result: We can say our loved ones leave us with one last gift at the time of their death which is the gift of becoming aware of the life we’re living.
On a related note: This is one reason why they say you’re not a man until your father dies because with the death of the father comes the pain of being left to fend for yourself which, in return, leads to greater movement and higher levels of transformation.
Now with that stated, I’m obviously not saying that you should intentionally expose yourself to these painful experiences, so you can leverage the inner movement of emotion and grief to create outer movement of change and transformation.
Not at all. That’s illogical.
But at the same time, I’m saying you shouldn’t live your life worried and afraid of the inevitables from happening either because pain is a part of life, so it’s crucial to change the lens in which you view it from.
I know people who are so scared of losing the other that they never fully enjoy the time they have together.
This is a huge mistake because losing the other is inevitable.
Better approach is to enjoy the days to the fullest and know that no matter what happens and how much pain you experience, you can use it as a 10x multiplier in the other direction.
Yes, the loss will still sting.
Yes, the pain will still hurt.
Yes, the sorrows will still be there.
Yes, no amount of transformation will ever make up for the grief.
But it’s better to use the energy of pain as nature’s natural performance enhancing drug…
… rather than using it to destroy yourself.
–
I’m having lunch with a friend. In between the appetizers and the main course, he gets to talking about his relationship woes and how he doesn’t know what he’s going to do now following a very hard break up.
"You’re going to make 10 years of progress in 12 months."
I told him.
"Huh?!"
Then I explain the contents of this email, get him to change the lens he’s viewing pain through, and use it as fuel.
"Holy shit!" He says. "I never thought of it like that."
Most of us don’t.
But I’ve found this to be a crucial shift because everything – including break ups and losses – is rigged in your favor and all that you experience is exactly what you need to experience in order to move, grow, and transform.
So view it as such and ditch the fear.
In times of pain, grow.
In times of joy, enjoy.
Maximizing the fruits of the season you’re in is all you have to do!
Thanks for reading.
Your friend,
/tej
p.s. When I was younger, my mom used to say: pain comes for us all. Some feel it earlier in life. Others later. But it’s inevitable. So when it comes for you, please see it as a gift and use it to grow instead of letting it destroy you. (Remember: the greater the pain, the greater the potential for transformation)
That’s it for the fourth edition of the mindskool.com newsletter. Officially in the books! Did you enjoy this edition? Drop me a reply and let me know?
If you have specific questions or topics you want explored, feel free to also include those in your reply. I’ve got an extensive list of ideas I want to share with you, but always happy to tailor the editions for your most relevant needs.
See you next Wednesday!
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